20. Prayer Title: A Husband’s Prayer Through Infertility and the Longing to Become a Father

Lord Jesus, I want to be a father.

You already know that, but sometimes I do not know how to say it.

There are things my wife can put into words that I carry more quietly. I see her hurt. I see the disappointment after another month passes. I see what appointments, procedures, medications, tests, waiting, and uncertainty have done to her.

And sometimes I feel helpless.

I want to fix it.

I want to take the pain away.

I want to find the right doctor, the right treatment, the right answer—something I can do that will finally make everything better.

But I cannot make conception happen.

I cannot protect her from every disappointment.

I cannot promise her that we will someday have the child we have prayed for.

And I hate that.

Lord, when I cannot fix this, teach me how to remain.

Help me understand that sometimes my wife does not need an answer from me. She needs me.

Teach me to sit beside her when she cries.

Teach me to listen without immediately trying to solve.

Teach me to recognize when she needs to talk and when she simply needs to be held.

Help me notice the days that may be especially difficult even when she does not mention them.

And when I am hurting too, give me courage to tell her.

Do not let me believe that being strong means being silent.

I have grief too.

I have imagined our child.

I have wondered what it would feel like to hear someone call me Dad.

I have pictured carrying a sleepy toddler upstairs.

Teaching a child to ride a bicycle.

Reading bedtime stories.

Making pancakes on Saturday mornings.

Answering endless questions.

Showing a son or daughter how to do things my father taught me.

Taking our family to Mass.

Kneeling beside a little bed and teaching tiny hands to make the Sign of the Cross.

I have imagined watching my wife become a mother.

I want to see her holding our baby.

I want to see her face when she hears the heartbeat.

I want to place my hand on her belly and feel our child move beneath it.

I want to stand beside her through pregnancy and birth.

I want to bring them both home.

Lord, I want those ordinary things so much.

Sometimes I see another father carrying his child on his shoulders or holding a newborn against his chest, and something inside me aches.

Sometimes no one notices because men are not always asked how infertility feels.

But You notice.

You know that a father’s heart can begin longing for a child long before there is a child to hold.

Jesus, protect me from turning that pain inward.

Protect me from believing that infertility makes me less of a man.

If the difficulty lies within my body, keep shame from taking root.

My masculinity is not measured by a laboratory result.

My worth as a husband is not measured by my fertility.

Teach me that true fatherhood is expressed through self-gift, protection, responsibility, sacrifice, tenderness, courage, and fidelity.

Help me begin living those virtues now.

Protect our marriage, Lord.

Do not let our desire for a child make us forget the woman and man who first chose one another.

Help me continue pursuing my wife.

Let me make her laugh.

Let me remind her that I married her, not merely the possibility that she might give me children.

When she worries that she has failed me, give me the words to tell her clearly:

You have not failed me. I choose you.

And if I ever begin blaming myself, let me hear those words from her too.

Lord, if there is healing that can occur, please bring it.

Guide our physicians and every treatment we consider. Keep us faithful to the dignity of marriage and human life.

And if it is Your will, allow us to conceive.

Please give us the child we have prayed for.

But if conception never comes, teach me how to grieve without becoming bitter.

If adoption becomes our path, prepare me to become a father through a story different from the one I imagined.

Teach me something from St. Joseph.

Joseph did not father Jesus biologically, yet his fatherhood was real.

He received a Child he did not create.

He gave Jesus his name.

He worked for Him.

Protected Him.

Carried Him into exile.

Brought Him home.

Taught Him.

Provided for Him.

Loved Him.

St. Joseph, if adoption becomes my road to fatherhood, teach me your kind of fatherhood—the kind that understands that a child does not have to share my blood in order for me to pour out my life in love.

And help me honor the father through whom my adopted child’s life began. Protect me from insecurity or competition. Give me enough confidence in my own vocation to respect every part of my child’s story.

Lord, if neither conception nor adoption happens, I do not know what that will do to my heart.

So I will not pretend that I am ready for an answer You have not given.

Give me today’s grace today.

I still ask You for a child.

I still ask boldly.

Blessed Fulton Sheen, intercede for me before Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. Pray that I become a man of prayer whether fatherhood comes tomorrow, years from now, or in a form I never expected.

Our Lady of Guadalupe, protect my wife beneath your mantle.

Holy Family, protect our home.

And St. Joseph, remain especially close to me.

Teach me to be quiet without withdrawing.

Strong without becoming hard.

Protective without controlling.

Faithful when I am discouraged.

Tender when my wife is hurting.

Hopeful when the waiting becomes long.

And ready, if the day finally comes, to receive the child God entrusts to us.

Lord Jesus, I want to be a father.

If it is Your will, please give me a child whose little hand I can hold.

But while my hands remain empty, begin forming my father’s heart.

Make me into the man my wife needs today and the father our child would need tomorrow.

And whatever happens, let me remain faithful to the family You have already given me in the woman standing beside me.

Always remember Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

Holy Family! Help us to be a holy family and pray for us!

Amen.