Lord Jesus, our son is grown now.
There was a time when we could pick him up, feed him, comfort him, tuck him into bed, and make so many of his hurts better simply by being his parents.
Now he is a man.
He has given his heart and his life to the woman he loves, and together they are building their own family.
We love watching that.
We love seeing the husband he has become.
And because we love him, we love her too.
But now they are carrying a sorrow we cannot fix.
They want a child.
And we want one for them so badly.
Lord, we want to see our son become a father.
We remember him as a baby in our own arms, and sometimes it seems impossible that enough years have passed for us to be imagining a baby in his.
We remember his tiny fingers.
His first words.
His scraped knees.
His school days.
The boy he was.
The man he became.
And now we imagine another little hand wrapped around his finger.
We imagine hearing someone call our son Daddy.
We imagine watching him carry a sleepy child to bed, teach a little one how to throw a ball, make pancakes, answer endless questions, give advice, tell terrible dad jokes, protect, provide, forgive, and pray.
We imagine seeing parts of the boy we raised appearing again in the father he becomes.
Jesus, we would love to see that.
And we want to see the woman he loves become a mother.
We know this waiting may hurt her in ways we cannot fully understand.
If infertility touches her body, protect us from ever allowing even the smallest thought of blame to enter our hearts.
She is not the reason our son does not have a child.
She is our son’s wife.
She is someone he loves.
She is carrying her own sorrow.
Help us love her as family, especially when she may secretly fear that she has disappointed us.
If she ever wonders:
“Do they wish their son had married someone who could give him children?”
Lord, let our love answer clearly:
No.
Do not let her carry that fear.
Help us tell her, in words and actions:
You are loved because you are you.
You belong in this family.
You do not owe us grandchildren.
And if the infertility involves our son’s body, protect him from shame.
Do not let him believe he has failed his wife.
Do not let him believe he has failed us.
Give us wisdom to support him without invading the privacy of their marriage.
There are questions parents do not need to ask.
There are medical details we do not need to know unless they choose to share them.
There are decisions that belong to husband and wife before God.
Teach us to respect those boundaries.
Lord, help us resist the urge to fix this.
We may hear about a doctor and immediately want to send the name.
We may read an article and forward it.
We may hear someone’s miracle story and think, Maybe this will give them hope.
Sometimes it may help.
Sometimes it may hurt.
Give us the wisdom to ask first:
“Would you like me to send this to you?”
Teach us that love does not always require advice.
Sometimes love simply sits beside suffering and refuses to leave.
Help us listen.
Help us pray.
Help us say:
“We are here.”
And Lord, forgive us if our own longing for a grandchild ever becomes pressure.
We do want a grandbaby.
We have imagined one.
We have imagined holidays.
Birthdays.
Baptisms.
Family pictures.
Little shoes at our door.
A high chair at the table.
Toys on the floor.
Sleepovers.
Trips to the zoo.
Christmas presents labeled with a tiny name.
We have imagined holding our son’s child and seeing generations meet in one little face.
But our desire must never become another burden our son and daughter-in-law have to carry.
They are not responsible for completing our picture of family.
They do not owe us grandchildren.
Help us make that clear.
And if other members of the family have children, protect us from comparisons.
Never let us say:
“When are you going to give us one?”
Never let us joke about biological clocks.
Never let us compare siblings.
Never let us make Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Christmas, or family gatherings more painful through careless words.
Give us sensitivity without pity.
If they need to step away from a baby shower, understand.
If holding someone else’s newborn is too difficult one day, understand.
If they rejoice at a pregnancy announcement and then cry afterward, understand.
Joy and grief can live in the same heart.
Lord, if they are pursuing medical treatment, guide them.
Give them excellent physicians and faithful counsel.
Help them find healing where healing is possible and remain faithful to the dignity of marriage and human life.
And if it is Your holy will, please allow them to conceive.
We ask boldly.
Let there be a baby.
Let there be a positive test.
Let there be a heartbeat.
Let there be an ultrasound picture they can hardly believe they are holding.
Let there be a growing belly.
Let our son place his hand there and feel his child move.
Let there be a safe birth.
Let there be that extraordinary moment when our son and his wife look at one another and realize:
We are Mom and Dad.
And Lord, if adoption is their road, walk closely beside them.
Protect them during the long wait.
Protect the child.
Protect the child’s mother and father.
Let every decision be made freely, ethically, and with the child’s good at the center.
If a mother can safely parent and desires to do so, surround her with support.
If adoption is freely chosen, give everyone involved honesty, compassion, and peace.
And if one day our son and daughter-in-law bring home a child through adoption, prepare us to be grandparents to that child completely.
No qualifiers.
No lesser place in the family.
No language that makes the child feel different in worth.
Let us honor the child’s birth family and story while surrounding the child with the certainty:
You belong here. You are loved.
St. Joseph, stay especially close to our son.
Teach him the strength of quiet, faithful fatherhood even while he waits.
Mary, stay close to the woman he loves.
When her arms ache for a child, hold her.
When she feels betrayed by her body, remind her of her dignity.
When she fears she has disappointed our son or us, silence that lie.
Our Lady of Guadalupe, cover their marriage beneath your mantle.
Blessed Fulton Sheen, intercede for them before Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament.
Ask for healing.
Ask for conception.
Ask for the right adoption match if that is God’s will.
Ask for the miracle for which this family has prayed.
And Holy Family, protect the little family that already exists in the marriage of our son and his wife.
Their family does not begin when a baby arrives.
They are already husband and wife.
Already a household.
Already a covenant.
Already deserving of celebration.
Help us honor the family they are while praying for the family they long to become.
Lord, there is something humbling about being the parent of an adult child.
We spent years protecting him.
Now we must watch him carry crosses we cannot remove.
Perhaps this is another form of parenthood:
To stand nearby.
To pray.
To love without controlling.
To help when invited.
To remain silent when silence is kinder.
To trust our grown child to You.
So we give You our son.
We give You his wife.
We give You their marriage.
We give You their infertility.
We give You their adoption waiting.
We give You our own longing to become grandparents.
And we give You the child we have already begun loving in our hearts.
If that child someday comes, let us never forget how deeply we prayed.
And if the waiting continues, teach us how to help carry it without making it heavier.
Let our son and the woman he loves always know:
You are not disappointing us.
Your marriage is not incomplete in our eyes.
We are proud of the family you already are.
We are praying for the child you long for.
And whatever happens, we will keep loving you both.
Jesus, if it is Your holy will, please let us someday see our son become a father and his beloved wife become a mother.
Until then, teach us to be the parents they need while they wait.
Always remember Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
Holy Family! Help us to be a holy family and pray for us!
Amen.