Lord Jesus, somewhere there may be a woman whose life will one day become connected to ours in a way none of us can yet see.
We do not know her name.
We do not know where she lives.
We do not know whether she is pregnant now, whether the child we may someday adopt has already been born, or whether neither of them has yet entered this part of their story.
But You know.
And before we pray that she chooses us, we want to pray for her.
Not as the person who might give us what we desperately want.
Not as the missing piece in our adoption story.
Not as the answer to our infertility.
But as Your daughter.
A woman with her own dignity, history, hopes, fears, relationships, wounds, dreams, and future.
Lord, love her for herself.
If she is facing an unexpected or difficult pregnancy, surround her with people who will not abandon her.
Give her safe housing if she needs it.
Food.
Medical care.
Transportation.
Financial help.
Counseling.
Friendship.
Protection.
Whatever practical support will allow her to make decisions without desperation determining them for her.
If she is frightened, comfort her.
If she feels ashamed, remind her of her dignity.
If people are pressuring her toward abortion, place courageous and compassionate people around her who will help her see another way.
Protect her baby.
Protect her.
And if she wants to parent her child, Lord, help her.
This is difficult for us to pray because we long so deeply to become parents ourselves.
But her hardship must never become something we secretly need in order for our prayer to be answered.
If what she truly desires is to raise her baby and she can safely do so, give her what she needs.
Help the child’s father step forward with responsibility and love.
Strengthen grandparents and extended family where they can provide healthy support.
Connect her with resources.
Make a path where she sees none.
Let us never pray:
“Lord, make her choose adoption so that we can have her baby.”
Instead teach us to pray:
“Lord, lead her toward what is truly good for her child, and give her the freedom and support to discern it.”
Because adoption should never require us to stop caring about the mother.
Lord, if after honest discernment she freely chooses adoption, stay very close to her.
People may call her courageous.
They may call her selfless.
Perhaps she is those things.
But do not let beautiful words erase the grief.
She may love her child desperately.
She may make an adoption plan precisely because she loves.
And love does not make separation painless.
Be with her when she chooses a family.
If she ever looks at profiles like ours, remind us what that moment means.
We may be hoping:
Please choose us.
But she may be looking through pages of smiling strangers while trying to imagine another family raising the child growing beneath her heart.
Lord, that is holy ground.
Keep us humble there.
If she does not choose us, bless her.
Bless the family she does choose.
Protect the child.
Help us accept that her decision is not a judgment on our worth.
And if she does choose us, do not let excitement make us forget what she may be experiencing.
While we celebrate, she may be grieving.
While our family receives joyful news, hers may be trying to understand what comes next.
While we prepare a nursery, she may be preparing to say goodbye in a way we cannot comprehend.
Give us reverence.
Lord, if we meet her before the birth, help us look into her eyes and see a person—not a means to parenthood.
Let us listen more than we speak.
Let us be honest.
Let us make no promises we do not intend to keep.
Let us never manipulate her emotions, exploit her circumstances, or make her feel indebted to us because we want her child.
Protect her freedom.
Protect our integrity.
Protect the child at the center of every decision.
When labor comes, stay beside her.
Mary, you know the vulnerability of giving birth.
Be near her.
Protect her body.
Calm her fears.
Give wisdom to the medical team.
Let her be treated with dignity.
And when her baby is placed in her arms, let no one rush that sacred moment.
This is her child.
Let her look.
Touch.
Hold.
Memorize.
Speak the baby’s name.
Cry.
Pray.
Love.
And Lord, if adoption proceeds after birth, be especially near her when separation becomes real.
We may experience one of the happiest moments of our lives at the same time she experiences one of the most painful.
Teach us never to forget that mystery.
Our joy does not require us to deny her grief.
Her grief does not mean the adoption was necessarily wrong.
Human hearts can carry more than one truth at once.
If an open adoption is healthy and appropriate, help us honor the commitments we make.
Do not let fear or possessiveness cause us to close doors simply because the adoption has been finalized.
If circumstances require boundaries for the child’s safety or well-being, give us wisdom and courage.
But let every decision be rooted in the child’s good rather than our insecurity.
Lord, help us speak about her with respect in our home.
Especially when the child is listening.
Never let us speak as though she abandoned a baby simply because she made an adoption plan.
Never let us erase her.
Never let us pretend our child’s story began when the child entered our arms.
Give us language appropriate to the child’s age that is truthful, loving, and free from shame.
Let our child know:
You were never unwanted.
And when the story is complicated, give us wisdom not to simplify it falsely.
Some birth mothers have suffered addiction.
Poverty.
Abuse.
Mental illness.
Violence.
Trafficking.
Family rejection.
Homelessness.
Or circumstances we may never completely understand.
Some may have made serious mistakes.
Some situations may require firm boundaries.
Truth matters.
Safety matters.
But even difficult truth can be spoken without stripping another human being of dignity.
Lord, if she struggles after placement, send people to care for her.
Adoption should not mean that everyone surrounds a pregnant woman until papers are signed and then disappears.
Give her ongoing support.
Counseling.
Friendship.
Healing.
Community.
Help her through birthdays.
Mother’s Days.
The anniversary of placement.
The moments when grief returns unexpectedly.
And if she later marries or has other children, bless that family too.
Do not let us imagine that her life stopped where ours intersected.
She has a future beyond our adoption story.
Lord, bless the child’s father as well.
If he is known, call him to responsibility.
Give him truthful information and the opportunity to fulfill his duties and exercise his legitimate rights.
If he is frightened, give courage.
If he has disappeared, call him back toward responsibility where possible and safe.
If he is dangerous, protect mother and child.
If he grieves adoption, remember his grief too.
And Jesus, change the way we think about the phrase “our child.”
If adoption happens, the child will truly become our son or daughter.
We will love, protect, educate, nurture, discipline, comfort, sacrifice, pray, and remain.
We will be parents.
But the child’s existence did not begin with us.
There is another woman whose body first sheltered that life.
Another history.
Another family tree.
Another set of stories.
Teach us not to feel threatened by those truths.
Love is not made smaller by truth.
Lord, if Ashley and Tommy’s future child comes through adoption, especially bless the woman whose motherhood becomes forever intertwined with theirs.
Wherever she is, cover her now.
If she is still a little girl somewhere growing toward adulthood, protect her.
If she is already an adult, guide her life.
If she is pregnant now, guard her and her baby.
If she is already discerning adoption, surround her with honest people.
And if she is not the woman whose child will someday join their family, bless her anyway.
No prayer offered for another human being is wasted.
Our Lady of Guadalupe, Mother of the unborn Christ, wrap your mantle around every woman facing a difficult pregnancy.
Help us build a world in which no woman believes poverty, fear, disability, abandonment, or lack of support means her child must die.
And help us build a culture in which adoption, when freely chosen, honors mothers rather than using them.
St. Joseph, protector of Jesus and Mary, protect birth fathers and adoptive fathers.
Teach men to show up.
To take responsibility.
To protect rather than abandon.
Blessed Fulton Sheen, intercede before Jesus in the Eucharist for everyone whose life is touched by adoption.
And Jesus, if someday we meet the woman whose child becomes our child too, let the first prayer of our hearts not be:
“Thank You for giving us a baby.”
Let it be:
“Lord, thank You for her. Please take care of her.”
If we embrace her, let that embrace contain gratitude without possession.
If we cry together, receive the tears.
If our lives remain connected, teach us to love wisely.
If circumstances mean our paths separate, let us continue praying for her.
And someday, when the child is old enough to understand, help us tell the story with tenderness.
There were prayers before you came.
There was waiting.
There was longing.
There was uncertainty.
And there was a woman whose yes to life made every other chapter possible.
Let our child know that adoption does not require choosing between loving an adoptive mother and loving a birth mother.
A child’s heart does not need to be divided into teams.
Give that child freedom to ask questions.
To wonder.
To grieve.
To love.
To seek answers when appropriate.
To feel whatever is honestly felt.
And give us enough security in our parenthood not to be frightened by any of it.
Lord, we want a child desperately.
You know that.
But never let our desperation become entitlement.
A child is not something another woman owes us.
Motherhood is not transferred because one woman is more deserving than another.
Adoption is not the cure for infertility.
It is a vocation to receive and love a particular child whose life already has a story.
If You call us to that vocation, make us worthy of the trust placed in us.
And tonight, before we know whether our paths will ever cross, we pray for her:
Lord, bless her.
Protect her.
Provide for her.
Draw her close to You.
Give her courage.
Give her freedom.
Give her people who genuinely love her.
Protect her child.
And whatever decision lies before her, let truth, love, justice, and the genuine good of the child guide it.
If someday she becomes part of our family’s story, help us never forget:
Before she was our child’s birth mother, she was—and always will be—
Your beloved daughter.
Our Lady of Guadalupe, pray for her.
Mary, Mother of Jesus, pray for her.
St. Joseph, pray for the child’s father and for us.
Blessed Fulton Sheen, pray for all of us.
Always remember Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
Holy Family! Help us to be a holy family and pray for us!
Amen.