Lord Jesus, there is a child we have loved in our hearts who may never exist anywhere except within our longing and Your eternal knowledge.
That is difficult even to say.
We have imagined you.
We have wondered whether you would have your mother’s eyes or your father’s smile. We have thought about names. We have imagined holding you for the first time, counting your fingers and toes, hearing your first cry, watching you sleep, carrying you to the baptismal font, and making the Sign of the Cross over your little forehead before bed.
We have wondered what your laugh would sound like.
We have wondered who you would become.
And Lord, we still ask You for this child.
You are the Author of life. If it is Your holy will, please allow husband and wife to conceive. Bring healing where healing is needed. Restore what can be restored. Guide physicians and treatments that respect the dignity of marriage and human life. Remove obstacles that can be removed.
And if You grant conception, Lord, from the very first instant of that child’s existence, let that little one be surrounded by prayer.
Bless that first hidden moment when a new human life begins and no one on earth yet knows.
Protect every cell as it divides.
Protect the journey into the womb.
Protect implantation.
Protect the tiny heart when it begins to beat.
Protect the developing brain, spine, organs, hands, feet, eyes, and ears.
Protect mother and child together.
And when at last a test reveals what You already know, let gratitude rise before fear.
Let there be a moment when two people stare at two little lines and realize:
Our child is here.
Lord, we ask You for that moment.
We ask without embarrassment.
We ask without pretending that we do not desperately desire it.
Please, Jesus.
If it is Your will, give us this child.
But there is another prayer beneath this prayer, and it is much harder to speak.
What if this child is never conceived?
What if the little face we have imagined never has a face?
What if the name we have carried quietly in our hearts is never written on a birth certificate?
What if there is never a positive pregnancy test, never a first ultrasound, never a heartbeat heard through a machine, never a growing belly, never a delivery room, never a newborn placed upon a waiting chest?
What do we do with all this love then, Lord?
Where does love go when the person we wanted to give it to never comes into existence?
Please do not let us believe that the love itself was foolish.
The child we imagined is not a lost child, because a person who was never conceived did not live and die. Help us hold that truth gently, even when our hearts experience something that feels very much like grief.
Because there can still be grief for what never happened.
There can be grief for the pregnancy that never began.
Grief for the maternity clothes never worn.
Grief for the ultrasound picture never placed on the refrigerator.
Grief for the baby shower that never happened.
Grief for the child who never ran down the hallway.
Grief for the word “Mommy” or “Daddy” never spoken by the child we imagined.
Grief for an entire possible future that existed so vividly in our hopes.
Receive that grief, Jesus.
Do not make us ashamed of it.
And if we never conceive, help us understand that You did not forget to create someone.
No child is missing from Your creation because our prayers were not answered as we hoped.
Every person You create is intentionally loved into existence by You.
And the child we imagined does not need to exist for our longing to have mattered.
Our longing reveals something real about our hearts: a desire to give ourselves, to nurture, to protect, to teach, to sacrifice, and to love another person completely.
If biological parenthood is not to be ours, do not allow that love to close in upon itself.
Make it fruitful.
Perhaps some of it will be poured into a child who comes through adoption.
Perhaps into nieces, nephews, godchildren, students, foster children, neighbors, families in crisis, or children whose parents desperately need another faithful adult to love them.
Perhaps some of it will become prayer.
Perhaps some of it will become service.
Perhaps some of it will remain an ache that keeps our hearts tender toward everyone who waits with empty arms.
But Lord, do not ask us to pretend that another kind of fruitfulness makes infertility painless.
Adoption is not a replacement for a biological child.
Service is not a substitute baby.
Loving other people’s children does not erase the longing to conceive our own.
Each kind of love is real, and each has its own place.
So if conception never comes, let us grieve honestly without allowing grief to convince us that our lives are barren.
Our marriage can still be fruitful.
Our bodies still possess dignity.
Our love still possesses purpose.
Our lives can still generate goodness that reaches generations we may never see.
And if You do lead us toward adoption, help us receive that child not as the replacement for the child we could not conceive, but as himself or herself—a completely unique person, with a story that began before us and deserves to be loved for its own sake.
Mary, Mother of Jesus, stay especially near the woman whose body longs to carry a child.
When she wonders what pregnancy would have felt like, hold her.
When another month begins and hope collapses again, hold her.
When she sees a pregnant belly and feels joy and pain at the same time, hold her.
St. Joseph, remain near the man who longs to see the woman he loves carrying their child and who may feel helpless because he cannot fix what hurts her.
Teach him that his presence matters.
Blessed Fulton Sheen, intercede before Jesus for couples longing to conceive. Ask boldly with us for healing and, if God wills it, for the miracle of new life.
Our Lady of Guadalupe, Mother who appeared bearing Jesus beneath your heart, cover every infertile couple beneath your mantle.
And Jesus, we place before You the child we hope to conceive.
If this child will someday exist, bless our little one already within the loving Providence through which You know all things. Bring that life into being in the time and manner consistent with Your holy will.
And if this child will never be conceived, help us slowly release the imaginary little hand we have been holding in our hearts.
Not because the longing was wrong.
Not because the love was wasted.
Not because we have stopped wishing the answer could have been yes.
But because we trust that no love offered to You is ever wasted.
Take all the love we had hoped to give this child and show us, over a lifetime, where You would have us pour it.
And until we know whether the answer will be yes or no, let us continue asking without fear:
Lord, if it is Your will, please give us a child.
And let us also learn, perhaps through tears, to add:
And if we never conceive, stay with us. Make our love fruitful in ways we cannot yet imagine, and never let this unanswered longing separate us from You or from one another.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, guard our marriage.
Guard our hope.
Guard our grief.
And guard the love that remains, whatever the answer may be.
Always remember Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
Holy Family! Help us to be a holy family and pray for us!
Amen.